I’m not loud enough. I’m not outgoing enough. I’m not confident enough. I’m not bubbly enough. I’m not talkative enough. I’m not outrageous enough. I’m not assertive enough. I’m not….I’m not…I’m not enough. But, enough about me! What about you? I bet you could come up with a list at least half as long as mine. Some the same, some different, but every one of them just as meaningless as mine.
So, where did this list come from? Well, I didn’t just pull it out of thin air. Last night was a kinda rough night for me. I tossed and turned for a while, trying to find a comfortable position to fall asleep in. I finally decided it just wasn’t gonna happen. So instead, I started to pray. And it wasn’t my normal, quick, before I go to sleep prayer. I started out by praying for my husband first. Then, when I was getting ready to wrap up, I thought to myself “Who says I can only pray for one person at a time?” So I continued on and on and on. Every name I could think of, every person that popped into my head. As a matter of fact, if I know you, it’s a pretty safe bet that I was praying for you last night.
The more I prayed, the more heat and excitement I felt building up inside. So that by the time I really was finished praying, the fire I felt inside really did make sleep impossible. And I wondered to myself, why can’t I be like that all the time? Then came this list. Loud? My prayer wasn’t loud. It was a private conversation between me and Jesus. Confident? The confidence I felt was not in myself. It was completely in Him. Outgoing, bubbly, and assertive? I didn’t wake my husband up or get on Facebook to tell all my friends that I was praying adamantly for them.
Now, I do have close friends that are like this. Extroverts who pray, and live, loudly and confidently and assertively. And I absolutely LOVE that about them! But that is just not me. You want the definition of mousy? Well, here I am! However, I am learning that a mouse can live beautifully in her own quiet way.
No, this powerful time of prayer that I had, it wasn’t loud or assertive. It was just quietly me. But, it was bold. And there it was! That was what I was aiming for. That was what I wanted more of. BOLD
We were not called to be loud or quiet. We were not called to be outgoing or a homebody. We were not called to be an extrovert or an introvert. God has called us all to be simply BOLD.
Proverbs 28:1 – The righteous are as BOLD as lions.
Now, it’s time for an English lesson! Because English is one of my favorite subjects (yes, I am one of those crazy people and yes, I do look up the definition of words just for the fun of it), and I just LOVE it when my pastor does this in the middle of a sermon! Soooo…..
Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines BOLD as:
a. fearless before danger
b. showing or requiring a fearless daring spirit
c. sheer, steep (as in extremely high)
d. adventurous, free
e. standing out prominently
Not loud. Not outrageous. Not talkative or assertive.
Not quiet. Not reserved. Not in hiding.
But fearless, daring, high, adventurous, free, and prominent.
I have no desire to be what God has not designed me to be. I have no desire to be loud or assertive. My desire is simply to be BOLD.